Pretending

I was once advised after an observation to not admit my weaknesses to the class because it was “self-depreciating.” Little did the observer know that it was simply the truth—and no secret to the students who’d watched me write on the board for 2 years.

The fact is—I’m a terrible speller. Sometimes I think people’s #1 expectation of an English teacher is that she spells well.  But, it seems silly to pretend that I do.

Yet, we are all great pretenders, and the more significant the role, the greater the temptation to pretend. And what we pretend is as varied and individual as humanity itself. I think we pretend because we’re fearful.

What is it that we fear?

—that we’re unworthy?

—that we aren’t that smart?

—that what we say might prove false or at least inadequate?

—that God Himself might prove to be less than what we profess?

Maybe we fear God—not in the way we ought to fear Him, but in a way we shouldn’t.

It’s hard thinking to heed not putting God to the test and yet to test the spirits as instructed. It’s tricky Christianity to put both those eggs in the same basket. But, I must.

To do otherwise is to pretend I have no fear.