What I Want

Sometimes I know exactly what I want.

Or do I?

Yesterday morning, I looked at the brilliant glass bluebird of happiness sitting on the chest of drawers that I’d just finished and Jay had put together. The plain wooden knobs seemed boring to me, so I’d decided that I’d put something fun on them instead.

I looked at the little bluebird of happiness with wings spread and thought, “Blue glass knobs would be perfect.” And so, at the end of school, we stopped by Hobby Lobby and unbelievably they had exactly the knob…exactly the right color of blue…that I wanted. AND, they were 50% off! How perfect is that?

Then we took them home.

Garish is a senior vocabulary word. For some reason I rarely have the need to use the word. I think it’s kind of a cool word—as far as words go, but garish just doesn’t usually fit into my vocabulary.

It did yesterday.

The Sadlier vocabulary book defines garish as “glaring; tastelessly showy or overdecorated in a vulgar or offensive way; gaudy, flashy.”

Jay and I stared at the knobs on the chest. We glanced at each other when the other wasn’t looking. We attempted to read each other’s minds. “What do you think?”  “They are very bright.”

“If that’s what you want,” he said. “They look a little,” I hesitated, “garish.”

Sometimes, I think I know exactly what I want, but that isn’t it at all.

Really, in the end of things I’m glad that life doesn’t always turn out the way I’d planned. I am learning to just wait. Often it isn’t easy. But, to take life the way God hands it to us is just the right approach to living.

And, those bright blue drawer knobs in the truck—to be returned today for a subtle, soft ceramic blue is a good reminder. I’m still hoping for something fun, but just not garish.

For who can know the mind of God? Who can fathom His ways? They are not random; they are filled with purpose—purpose to drive us into His Hand. 

 Shouldn’t that be what I really want?